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May 10th, 2023 – Post #79
Thank you for your prayers and support. My days are sort of blurred together; but I think it’s been a day and a half since my mom has had any vomiting. That is a huge relief. Still, she continues to decline.
Last week, the Hospice nurse told me my mom would probably pass within a month. Monday she said to expect that it would happen within the week. Seeing my mom’s condition this morning, she said it will probably be within two or three days. I know that no one can truly predict these things, because only the Lord knows; but I can’t see her lasting much longer than that.
She is on oxygen continually now, and beginning to have more bouts with apnea, where she stops breathing for short periods of time. Periodically, she’ll make a loud sound – sometimes like a hiccup, and at other moments, reminding me of someone being punched in the gut.
Waking out of a dead sleep to hear that sudden noise can be jarring. It’s like she’s had the wind knocked out of her, and I find myself holding my breath along with her, waiting for her chest to rise and fall once more, trying to shake off yet another surge of adrenaline coursing through my body.
In those moments, I can see her heartbeat through her pajama shirt, because she’s lost so much weight. Her pulse is nearly always over 100 now. Her blood pressure was very elevated for a while; but is now the lowest it’s been.
Most of the time, she is unresponsive; but she seems much more comfortable. She is still able to squeeze our hands and looks so much like her mother. I’m grateful that she doesn’t seem to be suffering during this last stretch – at least not like she was a few days ago.
The song that’s been on my heart today is from Sara Groves’ album, “Abide With Me”. I’m thankful that even though I can’t know my mom’s thoughts in these moments, nor all of her discomforts, her Lord and Savior does. He abides with her, and I’m grateful He abides with me.
We are grateful for all the love and support you have shown.