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Today I made a pretty significant decision. My cardiologist thinks my symptoms are due to the stress I’ve been under for the last few years while caregiving. I agree with that completely. My body has been in a state of exhaustion for a while now.
There are also quite a few odds and ends that are totally out of place for this business. If I’m going to move forward with any kind of stability, I need to pull back and put some things in order.
Last night I listened to a YouTuber that I’ve tagged along with describe symptoms very similar to mine, and it got my attention. Watching her from the outside, I could see stress was a big issue and wanted to reach out to tell her so – but here I’ve been continuing to try and keep pushing through. It’s another instance of me wanting to help someone with the speck in their eye while ignoring the plank in my own.
If I want my writing to be a source for people seeking healing and rest, then I’m doing my readers a disservice not to prioritize those things for myself.
It comes right down to hypocrisy.
Lately, I’ve been remembering having an ankle surgery and wearing a cast for a long time. The day came when I was scheduled to get that off (the cast – not the leg), and I was so excited – until it happened. I can still remember laying on the examining table, longing for that cast to come back. My leg had completely atrophied, and I was desperate for support. Then they gave me a boot, which was bigger and heavier than the cast. I thought I would be sick, because it was so cumbersome that I could hardly lift my foot.
The only good thing about it was that I thought it was a “walking” boot. Boy, was I wrong. The nurse said, “Oh, no – you can’t walk with that. You’d break your leg! You’ll need to use your crutches, then every other day you can add 5% of your body weight in pressure.”
I did the math in my head. At that rate, it would be a forty-day process to stand on my own two feet!
Forty days felt like forever – but going faster would have broken me.
That’s how I feel now about this business.
I feel like I need to pull back for forty days and stop trying to do “hard things that I don’t know how to do” everyday. For a while, I just need to add in the components of a stable life and business model a little at a time until I’m ready to open the doors.
Ironically, last night I was also thinking back to last year when I pulled into a nursery to see a sign that said, “Closed for the Season. Re-open After Labor Day”.
“Labor Day!?” How could that be?! It was like July. I was annoyed and in awe – wishing I could do the same thing.
And so, last night, when that came back to mind, I did a little more math. After Labor Day would be forty days from now. The same length of time it took to be able to walk again. Coincidence? Not likely. I think it was the Lord trying to get my attention.
So, I think I’m gonna do it. Forty days from now, we’ll see if I feel different…
By the way, here’s the post I did back then:
I’m sure there was still business going on in the background with these plant growers – but they weren’t out beating the bushes for customers. I think I need to follow the example they set.
What Did I Accomplish Today to Be a Writer?
I did Day 207 of the 100 Words a Day Writing Challenge 2024 through L.A. Writers’ Lab and participated in a writing conference.
Instead of coming away with big ideas, I’m hoping to settle on small positioning plans. I think I need to make some pivots and figure out what target I’m trying to aim for, because otherwise I wind up pretty scattered.
When it comes down to it, my heart is for storytelling and the healing it can lead to. How to build that into a business model is what I’ve been mulling over today. I want to write my own books and help others write theirs. Big stories and little stories are both important to me, so I guess social media should also play a part in my plan.
Research & Development I’m Doing to Improve My Writing & Business Strategy
As I think about storytelling, I remember back to when I was a kid, listening to Paul Harvey and Prairie Home Companion on the radio, while my parents drove road around. I think about how I like Dry Bar comedy and hearing people’s experiences, and how I loved sitting at my grandma’s table listening as people passed their stories around. I also love to be read to. I want these type influences to be a big part of what I do.
As I face the editing process for the umpteenth time, I’m thinking of taking my “outtakes” and turning them into recordings and posts, so they won’t totally be wasted. We’ll see if I follow through on that idea. For now, I’m trying not to start anything new – I’m just studying the map to see what direction I want to head. The slightest degree difference can lead to a very different landing spot in the long range. So I’m asking myself, “What do I want my life to be?”
We shall see…
Thanks for reading what I’m writing,
Jody Susan
The post down below from 99 days ago makes me smile, because the plans I made then are the plans I’m living now. Technically, I still haven’t found the hardware for that kitchen table – but I do believe I know what box it’s in! 🙂
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